After careful experimentation all morning have discovered important scientific fact: giving child Euler’s Disk to play with does nothing to increase peace or happiness of adult in vicinity. Pretty, shiny Euler’s Disk, when spun on its mirrored surface, provides child with “dramatic visualization of energy exchanges in three different, tightly-coupled processes,” which I’m sure we all want for our children because we’re not monsters, for Pete’s sake, but also provides adult with constant sound of loud spinning that seems to go on and on and on and on and eventually changes pitch in a sort of teasing, yes-I’ll-stop-eventually-but-not-until-you-have-your-first-ever-migraine sort of way that makes adult want to pull out her hair, which by the way hasn’t been cut in weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks WOULD YOU STOP SPINNING THAT THING IN HERE FOR THE LOVE OF PETE STOP JUST GO TO THE BASEMENT IF YOU MUST SPIN THAT THING.

Looked it up. Euler’s Disk named for Leonhard Euler, 18th century physicist (really? There was physics back then? I mean, besides gravity? Ask Husband about this later) but invented by Joseph Bendik around 1990, which means Bendik may still be alive, which means at least some possibility of hunting him down. This is a highly litigious country: could sue. Could sue for mental anguish or whatever it is people do. Note to self: retain lawyer. If Bendik no longer living, hunt down descendants to pay for the sins of their father. Sounds biblical. I like that. Why have I never sued anyone before?

This quarantine is changing me. Have never contemplated suing before. Have also never washed bunch of bananas in warm soapy water before. I feel…different.

Finally took Euler’s Disk from child, handed out stuffed animals, and told child to go attack brother and start a stuffed animal war. Now holed up in downstairs bathroom with a Kindle and cotton in my ears. Note to self: look up sensory deprivation tanks on Amazon, or as French would say, cuve de prívation sensorielle. Feel certain Napoleon would approve.